The first step is simply to see, sense, and feel just how impatient we actually are, as well as how this impatience produces so much pointless activity and negativity in our lives. Each of us needs to verify this for ourselves. In many cases the awareness itself of our impatience will help us become more patient. But what if it doesn’t? What can we do? Can we practice patience?

Yes, of course, there are many ways to practice patience–if we really wish to. One of the most effective ways comes from the Tibetan Buddhist teacher Tarthang Tulku, who says: “Instead of running after patience, relax and let it come to you. Loosen the tension in your body; open your concentration and allow your emotional energy to flow. Let the warm, soothing energy of patience arise within you and flow through your body easily and freely. This practice is the act of patience.”

During these difficult times of economic and international stress, turmoil, and conflict this is a practice that can pay many dividends.

Though I cannot remember in which book I read the above passage, one of my favorite books by Tarthang Tulku is Openness Mind. And while I couldn’t find the passage there, the book has other insights on the importance of patience. For example, he says there: “When we consciously develop patience, it can become a natural and appropriate response to each new situation; we strengthen ourselves for even more difficult times.”

The question remains, however: do we really wish to be patient, or are we all too ready to succumb to the allure of impatience, to the ubiquitous but erroneous assumption that it will help get things done faster and better?

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The Tao of Natural Breathing, by Dennis Lewis

Our Inability to Exhale Fully

According to Magda Proskauer, a psychiatrist and pioneer in breath therapy, one of the main obstacles “to discovering one’s genuine breathing pattern” is the inability that many of us have to exhale fully. Whereas inhalation requires a certain amount of tension, exhalation requires letting go of this tension.  Full inhalation without full exhalation is impossible. It is important, therefore, to see what stands in the way of full exhalation. For many of us, what stands in the way is often what is no longer necessary in our lives.  Proskauer points out that “Our incapacity to exhale naturally seems to parallel the psychological condition in which we are often filled with old concepts and long-since-consumed ideas, which, just like the air in our lungs, are stale and no longer of any use.”*  She makes it clear that in order to exhale fully we need to learn how to let go “of our burdens, of our cross which we carry on our shoulders.” By letting go of this unnecessary weight, we allow our shoulders and ribs to relax, to sink downward into their natural position instead of tensing upward.  Full exhalation follows quite naturally.

Our Inability to Inhale Fully

Those of us who are unable to exhale fully in the normal circumstances of our lives are obviously unable to inhale fully as well. In full inhalation, which originates in the lower breathing space and moves gradually upward through the other spaces, one’s abdomen, lower back, and rib cage must all expand. This, as we have seen in earlier chapters, helps the diaphragm, which is attached all around the bottom of the rib cage and anchored to the spine in the lumbar area, to achieve its full range of movement downward. For this to happen, the muscles and organs involved in breathing must be in a state of dynamic harmony, free from unnecessary tension. But this expansion is not just a physical phenomenon, it is also a psychological one. It depends on both the wish and the ability to engage fully with our lives, to take in new impressions of ourselves and the world.

Freedom To Embrace the Unknown

Full exhalation and inhalation are thus most possible when we are free enough to let go of the known and embrace the unknown. In full exhalation we empty ourselves—not just of carbon dioxide, but also of old tensions, concepts, and feelings. In full inhalation, we renew ourselves—not just with new oxygen, but also with new impressions of everything in and around us. Both movements of our breath depend on the “unoccupied, empty space” that lies at the center of our being. It is the sensation of this inner space (and silence)—which we can sometimes experience in the natural pause between exhalation and inhalation— that is our path into the unknown. It is the sensation of this space that can enliven us and make us whole.

PET Image of the human brain showing energy consumption

Educating Our Children to Deal With Stress

Knowing what we do about the ill effects of chronic stress, it is important to explore ways to reduce stress not only in our own personal lives, but also in the ways we raise and educate our children. Learning, especially learning from our so-called mistakes (which, of course, are frowned upon by many teachers), can be an enjoyable process that opens us to the world in and around us. When it is enjoyable, our brain functions in an optimal way and we seem to perceive and learn things more quickly and deeply. For many students, however, especially in elementary and high school where passing standardized tests is often the main objective, learning, even learning through physical education and sports, has ceased to be enjoyable and has instead become one more reason to get “stressed out.” “No pain, no gain” is the mantra of many elementary and high school gym teachers. In this regard, you might be interested in reading an article (first published in Somatics Magazine) by me entitled Physical Fitness—A New Approach, which recounts one of my own unsettling experiences in a high school gym class.

Given the increasing levels of stress in today’s world, and the many ways in which this stress is promoted through instant worldwide communication, part of our education should include teaching young people how to deal with stress when it arises in them. Sports and athletic programs aren’t much help here, since they most often promote competition and “winning” at all costs and very often at the expense of learning and enjoyment. They thus greatly contribute to the growing levels of stress in our children. One need only visit a little league baseball game or a high-school football game to see what happens to the kids, parents, and coaches in this environment. Winning and losing are indeed facts of life, and it is important to do the best we can in whatever we do, but it is how we deal with winning and losing, and our often unconscious attitudes toward them, that play an important role in determining our physical, emotional, and mental health.

Short of a radical transformation of our societal values, one of the most powerful methods of dealing with stress, which should be taught in schools worldwide, is deep relaxation through body awareness and natural breathing (what I sometimes refer to as “authentic breathing”). Body awareness through disciplines such as tai chi, qigong, and yoga, along with learning how to breathe in a natural, balanced way, would not only help improve the overall physical, emotional, and mental health of our children, but would also give them early on some of the basic tools they need for learning how to relax and function effectively in the midst of stressful situations.

Unfortunately, few teachers–in fact, few adults in general–are themselves able to relax deeply and breathe fully and naturally. The admonition to “take a deep breath and relax” that we hear so often from our teachers, politicians, friends, and parents not only rings hollow in most cases, but it also often results in fast shallow breathing, which only increases our already high levels of tension, anxiety, and stress. To breathe well in a state of dynamic relaxation, to learn how to experience the fullness of the “breath of life” that connects us all at a fundamental level, is to provide the living foundation for physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

Copyright 2009 by Dennis Lewis

Practice
1. Lie down comfortably on your back on your bed or on a mat or carpeted floor. Position yourself with your feet flat on the floor and your knees bent (pointing upward). Simply follow your breathing for a minute or two with your attention. See if you can sense which parts of your body your breath touches.
2. Continue to follow your breathing as you rub your hands together until they are very warm.
3. Put your hands (one on top of the other) on your belly, with the center of your lower hand touching your navel. Watch how your breathing responds.
4. You may notice that your belly wants to expand as you inhale and retract as you exhale. Let this happen, but don’t try to force it.
5. If your belly seems tight, rub your hands together again until they are warm and then massage your belly, especially right around the outside edge of your belly button. Notice how your belly begins to soften and relax.
6. Now rub your hands together again until they are warm and put them on your belly again. Watch how this influences your breath. Do not try to do anything. Simply watch and enjoy as your belly begins to come to life, expanding as you inhale and retracting as you exhale.
7. If your belly still seems overly tight and does not want to move as you breathe, press down with your hands on your belly as you exhale. Then as you inhale, gradually release the tension. Try this several times. Notice how your belly begins to open more on inhalation.
8. When you are ready to stop, be sure to sense your entire abdominal area, noting any special sensations of warmth, comfort, and energy. Spend a few minutes allowing these sensations to spread into all the cells of your belly all the way back to your spine.

This simple practice will have a highly beneficial affect on your breathing, especially if you do it on a regular basis. Remember that you can try this practice at any time of the day or night. Though it’s easiest if you are lying down, you can also do it sitting, standing, walking, and so on. It is an excellent practice to try before you get out of bed in the morning. It is also an excellent practice to work with whenever you are anxious or tense, since it will help relax you and center your energy. Over time, it will help slow down your breathing and make it more natural.

Copyright 1996-2009 by Dennis Lewis